I’m in a bit of a rut.
I’ve been in ruts before and I’ll undoubtedly be in ruts again. It all comes down to a lack of motivation. I can’t move forward with my life, my work, my obligations because I simply have no desire to work at it.
These ruts can come about for a variety of reasons: depression, anxiety, stress, general unhappiness, an urgent need for change but having no idea what to change or how to change it. Regardless of the reason, I find myself in the same destructive pattern every time.
I miss work, therefore lose pay; I stop doing the things that I love; I isolate myself; and I spend my days looking at dream jobs that I’m too afraid to apply for.
I know lack of motivation like it’s my job. In fact, I’ve left almost every job I’ve ever had because I simply wasn’t motivated to do my best. This can be a statement about myself or for my past employers, or both. I find it difficult to motivate myself to do things that I don’t care about.
This particular rut is a bit different, though. For one thing, I’m sitting here writing this. In the past, my lack of motivation suppressed my desire to write. Not this time. This time, my rut is hitting home.
Unless I actually and truly pursue my dreams, I’m always going to fall into these ruts. I’ve known what I wanted to do since I was 10 years old, but I haven’t been doing it. Instead, I let self-doubt prevent me from following my passion.
I’ve applied for and struggled through job after job, thinking, “Maybe this one will be the one.” But it never is. It’s never “the one” because it’s not writing. I’ll never be happy in Customer Service or Sales. I’ll always find some way to leave, even if it’s for another Customer Service or Sales job.
This rut is telling me that I need to finally make an effort to pursue my passion for writing.